i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
