I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Houston, we have a squirter
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
