two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
