just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
