hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
