pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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