I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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