opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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