and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I deserve this hangover.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
