I feel great
I just peed on a car
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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