i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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