Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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