dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
