My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
