i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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