So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Congratulations! We have a period
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
