don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
