also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
