Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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