This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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