you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
