Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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