he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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