Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
