Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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