Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
