The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
