roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
