So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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