Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
