just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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