i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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