last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
