brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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