OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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