No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Pooping to opera.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
