i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
