Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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