Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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