So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
