Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
