would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
