i permit you to call me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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