your room smells of hookers.
And success
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
