Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
