last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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