and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
