Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
