Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
