hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
