Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
try to milk me bitch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
